I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
