I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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