is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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