that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
