I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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