I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
