he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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