You work out of a Hotel?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will pee on everything he values.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
