I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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