We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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