In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
