i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
