theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
