His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
