planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize
