I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
