The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
