How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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