I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
