Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
