Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize