i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
