There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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