We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
