Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
