If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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