Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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