There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
