Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
