I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The Olympian is in my bed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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