Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
