I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize