At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
