id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
