it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
