Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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