Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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