The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
