my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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