So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
