Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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