Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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