This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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