pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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