he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
