Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize