epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize