Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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