He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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