It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
