if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize