I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
