Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
