So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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