great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
