My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize