Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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