I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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