so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
