We won't sleep together?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
