Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
