Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
